Lele in transition

  From the outside, my life looked exactly how I once wanted it to be. I had a family. A stable job. A loving husband. Good health. No major problems. A good life. A safe life. And still, something felt… off. Not wrong. Just incomplete. It wasn’t loud. It didn’t disrupt anything. It was quiet. Subtle. Easy to ignore. But it stayed. For a long time, I pushed it away. Because how could I want more when I already had so much? It felt ungrateful just to think it. But the feeling didn’t leave. It showed up in small ways. In the way I looked at my life and felt like I was watching it repeat itself. In the way I started thinking about the future—not just for my daughter, but for myself. I began to realize that what once felt like enough… no longer was. Not because my life was lacking. But because I was changing. I’ve always been someone who values stability. Routine. Predictability. A life that feels safe and under control. And for a long time, that wa...

  Not long ago, a coworker once told me: “You’ll only know what true happiness is after you have a child.” At the time, I didn’t take it too seriously. It even sounded a little presumptuous. Happiness is relative, I thought. Today, I understand exactly what she meant. Motherhood took a lot from me. That’s a fact. It took my sleep. My free time. My spontaneity. The quiet mornings. The slow Sundays. The version of life that used to revolve around me. But motherhood gave me something I didn’t even know I was missing. It gave me a strength I didn’t know I had. The ability to endure, to adapt, to keep going even when I felt completely exhausted. It made me grow. It made me more patient, more aware, more human. And above all, it gave me love. A kind of love I had never experienced before. Deep, raw, overwhelming, and real. Of course, it hasn’t been easy. There were long nights filled with crying that I couldn’t soothe. Tantrums that tested every bit of m...

  I really believed I was doing everything right. I thought being a good partner would be enough for a marriage to work. I thought marriage was about doing everything right. Keeping the house clean. Cooking. Being kind. Being easy to live with. Less than a year into marriage, my husband was already uncertain. Unhappy in ways I didn’t fully understand. He said I was distant. Cold. That I didn’t really connect. My routine was always the same — I would come home tired from work, take a shower, make dinner, eat something, and go to bed with a book or watch an episode of a series. “How was your day?” became a formality. Something we said, not something we felt. And I couldn’t see the problem. In my mind, I was doing everything right. The house was clean. Meals were made. Life was organized. So I thought, how is this not enough? But it took me time to understand something simple and uncomfortable: What was enough for me wasn’t enough for him. The life I had built ...

  I’m a hopeless romantic, but I’ll try not to make this story sound like a fairy tale — though, honestly, it probably is. The first time I saw Leo, he had no idea I existed. I was walking our family dog when I noticed a car parked outside our house. I didn’t think much of it. Then I saw him at the bar next door. Tall. A prominent nose — which, to this day, I find incredibly charming. I remember thinking, Hmm… interesting. The next night, I had a dream. I was being attacked on a beach by a group of men. It was terrifying. Then someone came out of the water and saved me. I couldn’t see his face — just the presence, the protection. A few days later, I saw Leo again at that same bar. And something about that dream lingered. This time my mom was with me. I pointed discreetly and said, “Mom, look — that’s the guy I told you about. Isn’t he handsome?” She glanced over. “Yeah, I guess.” That was it. I was smitten. She was nonchalant. I hadn’t had a real crush since hig...

  I woke up at 4 a.m. on July 9th, 2021, with the feeling that I was peeing. Instantly, I knew: my water had broken. I was 41 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I thought, “Today she’s coming.” I got up and took a shower. Strangely, I was calm. Happy, but trying not to let anxiety take over. I woke Leo up and he asked if we should go to the hospital right away. I told him he could have his coffee calmly. There was no need to rush. I still believed I had some control over what was about to happen. Cecília’s hospital bag was ready. Mine was almost ready. At 5:30 a.m., I texted my mom to let her know we were heading to the hospital. At 6 a.m., we left home. By 6:30, I was at the front desk saying my water had broken. Paperwork. Questions. Blood pressure. Oxygen levels. They asked if I had eaten. I hadn’t. I thought it was better not to — as if that could prepare me for the unknown. Then came the cervical exam. My God. That was when the real journey began. It hurt. A lot more than I expe...

  Why I’m Returning to Writing at 44 When I first had the idea for this blog, I was a different woman. I was 29, full of plans and dreams, excited about moving back to my home country carrying what I believed were new layers of wisdom and experience. I felt more mature, more prepared, better equipped for life. Looking back now, I can see I was a little naïve — but that realization came slowly. I went through a heartbreak. I realized I didn’t have as much professional experience as I thought I did. Having earned a degree abroad and learned another language didn’t automatically place me on some higher level. I was simply another candidate in the job market, and I would have to start from the bottom, gain real experience, and build my way up. That was the first shock. But I didn’t curl up and stay there. I chose to see the end of that relationship as a blessing in disguise. I worked. I learned. I stayed humble. I changed jobs, climbed step by step, and eventually began to feel pro...

Oh my goodness, would you believe if I told you that I have completely forgotten about this blog? Why on earth?! I really wish I had continued this, that I had wrote more, even if about stupid things, but I gotta tell ya, I´m feeling real glad re-reading all my 5 posts and going like "what was I thinking?". LOL. Seriously, it´s funny. I guess I was naive or didn´t really have an identity, maybe I was trying to find myself. Or maybe I was just trying to put my thoughts in writing, like a little journal. I don´t know... But I guess it was enough to make me want to write today. Do people still do that? Blog? Or is it just vlog now that´s more interesting or going on tik tok and I guess shout to the world whatever nonsense. I don´t know, I´m old fashioned, I don´t even have a tik tok account. I like to write. So, lets see, where to begin...   Ok, it´s been 8 years since I last posted anything. We´ve been through a pandemic, so there was life before that and life after that. Yes, ...